Headlines from the Dysfunctional Future of Naught for Hire
The future of Naught for Hire is comically (sometimes) dysfunctional, a future filled by technology built by mega-corporations focused solely on the bottom line. Numerous appliances are built with AIs that exhibit an array of personality disorders.
Shots Fired at PC: Woman Taken Away Repeating "No, I said you can't install updates!" |
Wal-Mart Owned by Day Traders After Giant NASDAQ Snafu |
Rampage Triggered When Auto-Tattoo Machine Glitch Gives Biker Giant Barney Tat |
Teen Shot in Bar. Blames Ringtone "You talkin' to me?" |
Astronomical Twofer: Hubble Telescope Falls to Earth--Destroys Palomar Observatory |
President Madonna to Wed Again |
Defective GPS Units Are Surprising Hit With Masochists. "I SAID turn right, jerkwad!" |
Tanker Truck Autopilots Hacked. Gigantic Collision Produces Massive Mix of Chocolate and Strawberries. |
India outsources telemarketing jobs to US. American employees will be "named" Rajesh and Amit. |
Stadium Seatwarmers Recalled for Exploding Batteries--Dubbed "The Fire Down Below" |
RoboSanta Caught Groping Patrons at Dance Club. "But only the naughty ones. Ho Ho Ho, if you know what I mean." |
California Bankrupt After Lottery Snafu Awards Grand Prize to Thousands of People |
Eight Cars Go Over Grand Canyon Rim Before GPS Map Error Corrected |
New mousetrap hunts mice. Most mice so spooked they just leave. |
Intelligence-enhanced Turkeys Surprise Hunters. "Hey, watch where you're putting that meat thermometer." |
Road Maintenance Machine Lays Speed Bumps Across Santa Monica Freeway. Cars Lodged in Overpasses. |
Flash Mob Using Laser Pointers on White House Puts USA on Defcon 1 |
Toy Gun Factory Raid Embarrasses FBI: "They looked so realistic "--Surviving worker says "Man, were we outmatched" |
Fast Food Franchise Announces "Low-Fat" Meals with New Secret Sauce: Phentermine. |
Blazing Saddles Vandals Spike Metropolitan Opera Drinks--Dubbed "Concerto in B-Flatulence" |
Off-Duty Cop Shoots 3D Lobby Ad for Lethal Weapon 8: "I thought I was under fire" |
Robocaller Ignores List and Keeps Calling People with "Soothing Voices" |
Man Testing Diet Drug and Muscle Builder Looks Like Popeye. Even Has Stutter. |
Damaged Multiplex Theater Reopens When Employee Brings Bigger Screen from Home. |
National Identity Chip Recall. 4,000,000 people must have defective chips surgically removed. 1st 250K get anesthetic. |
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